My sleep schedule is allllllll out of whack. I slept 8 full hours last night, but don't ask me which hours they were because I went to bed way too late and woke up embarrassingly later. On the bright side, I finally feel like an actual functioning human bean. At least getting out the door at 12:30pm is better than 4pm, right?
Eating alone for each meal, I spend a lot of time eavesdropping and people watching. Last night I sat a table away from a Swedish couple very clearly on their first date. They spoke a hybrid of Swedish and English, which I soon came to dislike due to the chillingly awkward nature of their conversation. I wish they had spoke Swedish the whole time so that I didn't have to endure how painfully hard it was for them to draw questions and answers out of each other. He was trying quite fervently to create a spark where there clearly wasn't one. She kept her hands in her lap and looked down frequently, searching her mind for a way out.
They showed me that dating is hard in every country. Finding someone you are comfortable being vulnerable with is a brave search that is exhausting at times. It's worth it when you find hearts that match yours.
Today I sat at a community table at this darling cafe called the Greasy Spoon (shoutout to my pal Jordan for the recommendation!). I was seated next to a group of 3 Brits. Oh my, the amount of times the words "bloody fuckin' hell" came out of their mouths in the 10 minutes between my sitting and their settling of the bill. They moaned about how long it took to walk to the spot, complained about transportation, argued about the bill and bickered over what they would do next. Ultimately they all went outside for a smoke and I breathed a sigh of relief.
I was confused. I had spent the morning wandering Götgatan, marveling at the beauty of Designtorget, Granit and the Press Stop. I was filled with joy - floating through the streets with a calm energy and sweet thoughts mulling through my mind. I had wandered just as far as these others had. I also had to decide what my plans for the rest of the day would be. We were both at the same cafe, enjoying the same food and sipping on the same coffee. I often think that if I only lived in Europe, I could finally have the lifestyle I desire and soothing, clean, organized, European happiness I've always wanted.
I have learned that it is not where you live, or where you are from, or who you are with (or without) - joy is a choice that you must make each day. I have many days when I wake and do not choose joy. My hope is that these experiences and memories help me to make that decision more frequently.
We build this life, piece by piece. May joy be an abundant one.
Scarf update: I found a replacement. Extremely similar to the first one, only this one was purchased in Sweden so it's automatically 200% better.
I have a happy, warm neck. (Which is good, because it's really freaking cold here.)